random, mumet, labil...

Instead of feeling happy and excited, persiapan perkawinan ini malah bikin gw stres... Ada aja yg bikin adu mulut, bentak bentakan, mumet.. Keluarga pengen gini, pacar ngomong gini, duit gw semakin terasa pas-pasan gara-gara perhitungan anggaran membengkak di sana-sini, kontrakan belom dapet, kerjaan ga abis-abis..dicolek dikit rasanya pengen ngebanting orang. Gw depresi berat..sampai akhirnya di suatu titik gw berpikir: the hell with this wedding, terserah deh mau macem apa.. Mau ngundang ribuan orang atau cuma puluhan kek, mau pesen kambing guling kek, mau cuti berapa hari kek, mau pake adat ini itu atau enggak kek.. Gw pingin semua urusan ini cepet selese. Gw bahkan gak peduli bakal pake baju apa, sepatu apa, dandanan gimana. Terserah. Males banget rasanya ngurusin semua.. Acara 1 hari aja udah kayak derita berkepanjangan.. Dan di kala gw pengen curhat sama pacar, mencari pelipur lara, dianya juga sibuk.

Aaaahh, kenapa? Kenapa gw bisa berpikir begitu? Kok gw gak excited sih? Kok gw gak pedulian sih? Kenapaaaa? Gw terus bertanya-tanya dalam hati apa ini sindrom prapernikahan? Apa ini momen dimana cinta dan kesungguhan hati dan mentalmu diuji? (prett bangeeettt). Kalo pacar udah bertindak menyebalkan pulang-pulang tidur gw langsung gak enak dan semakin kepikiran banyak hal. Kok gak kayak pas awal pacaran ya? Ketipu dong gw? Trus tar gimana nasib gw kalo udah telanjur kawin? Putus dulu masi bisa gak ya? Tiap hari gw memastikan perasaan si pacar dengan bolak-balik nanya "lo cinta gak sih sama gw? masi pengen kawin sama gw gak sih? coba dipikir ulang deh..." Mendadak gw ragu sama diri sendiri, ragu sama pacar, pesimis sama semua hal, dan tiap denger lagu Foolish Games berasa pengen nangis di bawah shower. Masalah kecil semuaaa jadi terasa ribet dan berat.

Kadang terpikir di benak kalo gw masi labil, belom cukup dewasa untuk terjun di dalam kekisruhan ini :( 

Tapi di tengah-tengah kelabilan dan emosi gw yang pasang surut itu *aiihh, bahasanya* gw berusaha untuk kembali ke tempat gw berdiri. Inget-inget masa dimana semua ini bermula. 

Ngemeng apa gw -__-

hemat / boros?

Ngomong-ngomong soal teori save and splurge, banyaaakkk banget yang saya pelajari tentang ini. Beberapa hal bisa dikompromikan, dan beberapa lainnya enggak. Mungkin ini sedikit hal yang menurut saya susaahhh banget buat di-save:

1. Mesin cuci

I want the energy-efficient front loading one!! Ngerasain banget gimana baju yang baru saya beli di Matahari begitu dimasukin ke mesin cuci top loading rumah yang sebenarnya lumayan bagus ...benang-benangnya langsung mengkeret dan kasar. Huaaa, mamiiiihhh. Dan ini bukan kejadian yang pertama kali. Berhubung saya bukan orang yang telaten dalam mencuci dan tidak menjadi ibu rumah tangga dalam waktu dekat, otomatis saya perlu usaha juga gimana supaya baju-baju gak cepet rusak dan tahan lama. Dan pastinya harus hemat listrik. Yakkk, nabuuung dulu...

 2. Mobil

Ini agak susah karena (1) saya juga gak mampu afford mobil mahal (2) biaya perawatan mobil tetaplah tinggi, tapi ini jadi bahan pertimbangan karena eh karena, jikalau saya suatu hari nanti mampu atau perlu memiliki, saya gak mau mengorbankan masalah keselamatan. Berkendara di Jakarta kan ga ada yang tau ya, kita mungkin udah drive safely tapi orang lain belum tentu. Jadi masalahnya bukan di harga mobilnya, tapi saya gak mau punya mobil semata-mata karena harganya murah doang - dia harus punya fitur-fitur keselamatan standar dalam kondisi baik. This is gonna be a family car for God's sake...there's gonna be my children, husband, and maybe some relatives sitting inside.

3. Tas / sepatu

You have to own one each, at very least. Tas yang berkualitas tinggi akan sangat awet dipakai sehari-hari, begitu juga dengan sepatu. Tentunya juga harus dirawat sih, tapi kalo dasarnya emang udah oke kita cuma perlu poles-poles dikit kok, dan biayanya murah. Berhubung saya kere, supaya gak rugi-rugi amat tas dan sepatu yang diniatin berkualitas tinggi harus punya warna yang netral dan modelnya klasik. Kalo bisa sih branded, tapi kalo gak mampu yaa cari aja merek lokal atau fashion outlet yang sekiranya masih punya bahan yang baik. 

4. Some beauty / make up products

Naahhh, there are some problems because: (1) my skin is quite normal at most times, only getting a bit oilier and shinier during the day...but if i'm not being careful on what products i am using i'll be developing a symptom of allergy (2) my face is kind of dull and i want an improvement (3) i love make-up but i wish to make it look natural..as if i didn't put anything on. I have found the answers but some of them costs a fortune!! Luckily they last quite awhile.

Kalo hal-hal di luar itu sih, beli yang biasa-biasa (asal hypoallergenic) hayuuukk aja. Sebenarnya masih kepingin foundation yang agak bagus sih (btw, foundation termasuk item splurge, beda banget kualitas barang murah sama mahal, termasuk keamanannya bagi penderita alergi) tapi takut rugi karena saya pasti jarang make. Eh sama concealer buat mata panda ini, tapi yang lama belom abiiiss, again gak mau rugi.



Ah, I don't know what else, pengennya sih semuanya splurgeeee!! Kapan naik gaji bro?? 

wedding in delirium state of mind..

it's finally my turn - the moment when you have such a dearly beloved popped up a question some girls are dying to hear. for this i should be grateful because i don't have to wait that long, you always have that kind of girl friend who has been in a relationship for years, has been single for years, has changed partners a zillion times, or simply cannot make up her mind whether he is the right man or not, or whether she can commit to lifelong bond.

well, i am the latter. and even when i said yes to the question my mind's filled with more and more doubts. not to the man i choose to spend my life with - but to myself, the one who has decided to marry and still think about things. who the fuck will i be? a someone's wife? like... reeeaaallyyy??


oh Lord have some mercy on me, i am a young girl, a 20-year old volatile bitchy/stingy/whiny/fussy/messy one - and yes i hope that is a 'pick one out of the options'. i'm a bad cook, i have a lousy fashion style, my kind of entertainment consists of going to karaoke club or a cinema and watching footie while snacking at the weekend, i eat a lot but still worry about weight gain, and i should have written about how happy i am to be engaged but blog about this in a nonchalant manner instead!!! i'm such a 180 to the wife material every man fantasize.

you see it's not about the commitment that i fear the most. it's about preparation, and i'm always afraid i cannot live up to my own expectation.


i watch this movie, Test Pack, in a cinema a few days ago with a friend. not a great movie, but the idea of whole package of marriage suits mine.

why do you get married? because i've found a man who complete me, whom being with him i find happiness and strength, whom i love to the bones and meats i'm so ready to spend my future with. that man, is the reason.

the film itself focuses on how marriage goes on without kids. a husband left his pretty wife because she's infertile, and upon her visit to obgyn who recommends her to find second opinion she sadly states: "your opinion alone is enough. what i need is a man who will accept the fact." back to back we were shown a scene when a man talked to his then-wife in their wedding. something about 'apa adanya kamu sudah melengkapi hidup saya' then off to a scene when she finds out his infertility. shocked and heart-broken, the wife is.


i was almost broke into tears (wait, you read it right, ALMOST)..because that's what i was also worrying. the fertility, the wife material thingy, the life after the marriage, career and family... i have a sensitive heart.... you read it right too. of every man i have ever loved and been in a relationship with i only ask a single question: "don't you love me just the way i am? if you expect to be no longer around you better say." but marriage is to tie the knots - you cannot just leave. i want myself to look back every now and then to the day when we're only two fools - this is why i write.

i worry too much, it explains why my hair falls rapidly.



or maybe i should bring my boyfriend to the movie and pray his heart will be touched and doesn't realize my brainwashing mission. hahahaha. geez, okay, not a fabulous ending to this should-be-heartbreaking blog.


anyway i am happy through and through. this will be a tough journey to begin, but why do you even want to start one? ah, you have your very own answer....

ngisi kuesioner...

Menurut anda, bagaimana pengaruh prestasi yang anda dapatkan di sekolah dengan keberhasilan anda di masa depan ?

Oh, they care? I can’t see that there's any...

23 Oktober 2011

....atau 24 Oktober yak? Jam tangan ketinggalan, hape metong, gak ada jam dinding.

The Three Musketeers
MU 1 v 6 City
QPR 1 v 0 Chelsea

wohaa, biasanya saya akan melontarkan ejekan ke teman-teman pendukung MU abis itu...ih wow, serinya liverpool lawan tim promosi jadi terlupakan aja loh, headline di semua media pasti jugak tentang 'a n16ht to remember'..xixixi, hari apa lagi cobak yang lebih membahagiakan dari ini?





but all of a sudden the headline itself was replaced by another lovely thing.

You.

old story

"i don't know how to say this correctly...but i should..."

"then just say.."

"you gotta hate me for this..i know.."

"so why hesitate? you have prepared yourself for the worst, haven't you?"

"hey..why are you so.. *sigh* fine, i met someone else.."

"..and you think she's the one. oh, of course i know."

"you know? how? did anyone tell you?"

"oh come on. for the last three months you've been very much out of reach. you didn't call me very often no more, hung up my call at certain times ,and didn't reply my text. you forgot your promises over and over again and blamed it on your freaking study!"

"why didn't you break up with me anyway?"

"i'm waiting for you, from the very first hand, to stand up and tell me right away, you jerk! and it took you such a long time to do that!"

"but you could just do it any time."

"and it's enough of a proof to tell me how coward you are. i need no formality or long goodbye, if that's what you intend to. thank you for calling."

that is how it was supposed to be that day, 3 years ago. everytime i look back on the day when i should say "of course i know..." i can't help but hold my fist. you never did know that i was burst into tears later on, right? that i never ever figured out before that you were betraying me. that i was too angry to listen to any of your words so i hung up the phone so sudden. that i never thought it would happen. that i just couldn't stop thinking how naive i was.

i wonder if you ever thought of me like i did back then. i wonder if you ever loved me as much as i did. because if you did, you would find it hard to let me go, wouldn't you? but you didn't.. it all seemed too easy. i recall the time when we had this daily nonsensical conversation late at night, made some laughable stories and imagined things like wild creatures, aliens, UFOs... oh how good you were at words. i commanded myself to stop staring and waiting for anything from you popping up my screen, thus encouraged myself so hard not to reply your text and return your calls.

but then again... i remember you sang Hey There Delilah to me on the phone when i first arrived in Jakarta. your singing that mostly sucks big time all of a sudden sounded good. i don't know why, and i had no idea what song it was, so i just said 'thank you, it was good'. i didn't lie, you know. it hit me at the right place, being for the numerous times far away from you i found it comforting, consoling, and i felt loved by you. blimey, i never thought it would be the last time.

"after all you put me through, you'd think i'd despise you. but in the end i wanna thank you, cause you've made me that much stronger..."

few days ago, i don't know from whom you got my cellphone number since i was too surprised to hear from you again. finally, after all these years we both talked and shared several stories, and by the way you spoke, you sounded a bit nervous. i don't feel anything at all, if you believe. i've lost that kinda feeling so long ago - in fact, the thing that we did back then only reminds me of the innocence of my youth - i am so glad, and well, you should :)

silence

i wish i could pause the times
get some sanity out of this hectic space
take off my senses and leave it bare to their place
where i don't need to hear the clock tick faster
don't need to stand the noise any longer
silence the world for just a moment's worth
put serenity on an honorable mention
where nobody would shatter our pieces of heart
where solitude unlocked the happiness inside
where i could stop dark clouds from rolling over my head
just a bit of moments.. and life would never wear me out.

VIOLENT!

RRRRAAAAAWWWWRRRRRRRRRRR

GGRRRRRR... EGHDUWUJWSFJZL;SIUFIWIIUFUJJAJIFIIWKKVKKDOOEO


saya benar-benar sedang dalam mood paling buruk sepanjang hidup saya! i mean this! setiap kali melihat kaleng, tombol lift, botol, jendela, saya hampir selalu berniat untuk menendangnya! saya bahkan mengambil botol paling besar yang bisa saya temukan untuk diremukkan ke toilet, membanting barang di gudang, loncat-loncat gak beraturan, menatap muka orang-orang dengan pikiran ingin meninjunya, meludah terus-terusan di toilet, arrrrrgfgghhhhhhfhfhfhhf!!!!!

i'm in a mood for violence!!!


sepertinya hormon adrenalin saya melaju dengan sangat kencang saat ini. i can feel it! perasaan-perasaan berdebar kencang yang saya rasakan sepanjang saya berjalan ke tempat manapun di gedung ini, perasaan ingin meloncat-loncat, perasaan ingin menendang semua barang, i know where this energy come from!

oke, jangan tanya kenapa. ada penyebab yang membuat saya begitu larut dalam mood seburuk ini tapi i just can't tell it because it's so damn freaking me out!


AARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

blabbering

i believe it's dangerous not to let your mind speak up. but when it's about a feeling that only your heart feels, i wonder what to talk about. or else, what to write about. i believe it's just a change of heart that occurs after i finish Beauty is The Beast manga. you know, it leaves a good impression on me. i heart this Wanibuchi guy. if he exists around me, i dare to say i will definitely fall for him, though i'm not sure if i'll dare enough to get near.

and here comes this guy. the guy i want to talk about. first time i saw him, he left no impression. he's cold, doesn't talk much, lives in his own world, and no one is really close to him. just as Wanibuchi is. just the guy around the corner. and actually he's still only the guy around the corner to me.

by the way i can't tell exactly how it is. it's just that after i read the manga, i suddenly compare Wanibuchi to him, i compare how Wanibuchi treats Eimi to how he treats me. think about it, he has ever bought me shoes, bought me bag, trusted his important things to me, arranged my special occasion, and when i gave him money for something i wanted him to buy, he always said "you know, i never take money from you". is that enough to make us lovers? no. somehow i believe he's not that interested in me, and neither am i. but the way he cares to me is just so unexplainable. the way he accepts my request, the way he accompanies me to some place or to do something, the way he says "kapan-kapan ya" after he refuses my invitation for a reasonable answer, the way he greets me, the way "never take your money" comes out... it just leaves traces or stuffs. he cares to me not in a friend's way, or like he once told me "you're like a younger sister to me" which someone he doesn't have. for me it's more like a father taking care of his daughter. yeah, we're just a few years away, but that's just what i think. we never talk much or share feelings just as anybody does, isn't that what fathers do? it's just not the way i am, or he is, or we are. it just goes out like that.

actually this is just some kind of things that i keep for myself. i'm not saying i'm in love with this guy, or this guy is so weird because that's not what i mean. this writing has no point. you know i'm just writing about the situation between us and how it goes and i'm comfortable with it.. no need to make it up to the next level or else. it's almost like when you're bored, you always love to spend times alone at mall and do nothing but walking around and watching people (i often do this for sure). people can think it's useless, it's pointless, it's weird, or else, but it's comfortable.



PS: the conclusion is what you read can affect your heart or your mind and end up in the way your writing goes.. whatever. 

when you lose a game

Sometimes, isn't it funny how you can be emotionally involved in such a game? Yeah, I wonder myself, while some people say "it's only a game" but for some people, it's more than that... Haha, now that I think about it, sometimes it is so funny... no matter how mature one can claim, you can see how childish they can be if it's about their favorite teams losing..


Well, semalam, saya nonton pertandingan futsal orang-orang kantor.. Eselon 2 saya bertanding dengan eselon 2 laen di slot pertandingan ketiga. Cukup malem ya bok, saya bela-belain gak ikut nonton harry potter walaupun udah diiming-imingi traktiran oleh temen saya yang ultah. Di atas kertas, tim lawan termasuk lemah, dan tim kami sedari awal termasuk favorit juara. Dan tebak gimana pertandingannya? Surprisingly, pertandingan berlangsung sangat eksplosif di babak pertama... tim kami on fire banget, keliatan bakalan menang besar.. eh tiba-tiba di babak kedua jadi sangat menyedihkan.. Yak teman, hasilnya seri, dan tim yang saya dukung tidak mencetak gol sama sekali di babak kedua.....

Saya sih kecewa ya.. Favorit juara gitu lo, tapi karena saya cuma nonton reaksi saya yah sebatas "ooh, sayang sekali....", "well, at least we've tried hard..." dan semacam itulah. Kalo yang maen sih pasti gak bakal begitu. Seriously, you can see how childish a man can be, hahaha. Itu cuma seri yah, dan 2 minggu lalu tim kami kalah untuk pertama kalinya. Itu jauh lebih buruk, teman, rasanya ada awan hitam memayungi setiap orang dari tim kami.. Semua berwajah muram, kecewa, membanting kaus, dan ada yang ngambek segala karena menurut dia tim gak maen menurut strategi. Saya cuma diem aja disitu, memandangi reaksi mereka. Kayaknya karena saya jarang sekali berperan dalam sebuah pertandingan dan lebih sering menjadi penonton yang aktif, saya jadi lebih bisa mengendalikan diri. Kalah itu memang menyakitkan, tapi kamu gak akan tahu betapa menyenangkannya menang setelah melalui berjuta-juta kali kekalahan.

bahagia itu...

Beberapa hari yang lalu, saya telpon-telponan dengan seorang teman yg uda lama banget ga ketemu. Wah, asyik banget rasanya! Kami tukar-tukaran pengalaman, berbagi cerita, saling berbagi info tentang keadaan temen-temen yg laen, sampai bernostalgia mengenang masa muda kami dahulu kala (ceilah, tempo doeloe banget...) Dan di salah satu percakapan itu,  saya bertanya gini sama dia (sebut saja si X -bukan nama sebenarnya, Red.-):
"Jadi sekarang gimana? Kamu bahgia gak di sana?"
"Hmm.. gimana ya.. Bahgia tu kan ngelibatin perasaan, dan sejauh ini aku kok belum bisa aja gitu terlibat secara emosional dengan yogya.."
"Kok gitu? Jadi dengan alasan macam itu kamu mo bilang klo kamu gak bahgia di sana? Bahgia itu kamu ciptain dong, kamu rancang, bukan sekedar ditunggu sampe datang dengan sendirinya..."
"iya aku rancang.. aku ngusahain kok.. nah maksud aku, aku sedang dalam proses menuju ke sana, aku berusaha supaya aku bener-bener merasa home di sini.. tapi sampai detik ini, bagi aku itu belum cukup buat dibilang aku bener-bener uda merasa begitu.. setengah dari itu mungkin..."

Saya jadi bingung sendiri. Segitu sulitnya emang? Beberapa orang emang sih berpikir kalo kebahgiaan dia itu adalah di situasi seperti ‘ini’, misalnya. Lah, apa terus kalo situasi ‘itu’ terjadi dia gak akan bahgia, ato malah gak akan pernah merasa bahgia? Yah, oke, saya juga begitu sih. Terkadang kita emang klo uda pernah ngrasain suatu titik tertentu yang bener-bener luar biasa bagi kita, seterusnya cuma titik itu yang kita anggap perfect, dan kita melewatkan titik-titik lain sepanjang perjalanan kita. Tapi emang pada dasarnya, cara pandang saya dan si X juga lumayan beda banget. Si X bilang saya kadang terlalu target-oriented dan itulah yang bikin kehidupan saya jadi terlihat lebih complicated kadang-kadang. Dia beralasan gini, manusia itu gak akan pernah merasa puas. Mereka pasti akan merasa selalu ada yang kurang, dan bakal bikin target-target baru begitu target sebelumnya tercapai atau meleset. Kalo gitu terus, kapan kamu akan bener-bener sampe pada 'kebahgiaan'? Rangkaian tersebut seperti sebuah garis lurus yang begitu dimulai, cuma garis maut yang bisa memotongnya. Skeptis banget. Dalam hal ini, emang cara pandang dia adalah hidup itu adalah proses menuju kebahgiaan, secara kasarnya lah. Saya setuju sih sama cara pikir dia, tapi sekali lagi justru itulah yang namanya 'hidup' bukan?

Saya gak bilang saya gak bahgia, bikin excuses buat nutupin rasa ketidakbahgiaan itu pun gak. Bahgia itu saya rasa seperti a big deal banget. Saya puas dengan keadaan saya, saya nikmatin setiap hal dalam hidup saya, saya berusaha keras untuk menjalani kewajiban-kewajiban saya, dan kalau ditanya apa saya bahgia, saya akan jawab: "bahgia itu adalah saat dimana kamu bisa nikmatin itu semua, gak terlena di dalamnya, dan tetap punya something to do pada akhirnya.." Cuman itu. Saya ga mau bilang 'saya bahgia, and now what? Saya kan uda bahgia..' Seolah-olah begitu saya merasa bahgia, itu semua selesai, ga ada lagi yang harus saya lakukan selain mempertahankan kebahgiaan tersebut. Itu salah besar. Bahgia bukan titik puncak atau titik akhir. Bahgia itu adalah sepanjang garis lurus tersebut.

Oke, terlepas dari itu semua, definisi kebahgiaan bagi tiap orang emang berbeda. Kalo saya sih, situasional lah istilahnya. Kebahgiaan versi saya waktu SD adalah waktu dapat salam tempel pas lebaran. Versi masa SMP-SMA saya, kebahgiaan itu kalo punya temen penyuka komik yang baik hati dan tidak pelit (dan saya memilikinya!) serta punya rapor dengan nilai yang tidak fluktuatif dan menampakkan dengan jelas kelebihan dan kekurangan saya (bayangkan kamu punya rapor yang di dalamnya berkumpul nilai 7-10). Masa kuliah saya definisi ini jadi lebih berbobot. Kebahgiaan adalah ketika saya bisa menghapal atau paling tidak, memahami dengan sempurna apa yang tertulis dalam diktat-diktat kuliah dan tersembur dari mulut dosen lalu menerjemahkannya dengan baik saat ujian, kemudian voila! Cum laude!
Lalu sekarang teman saya menanyakan apa makna kebahgiaan bagi saya. Itu jelas, bahgia itu adalah:
1.   Kalau *PM dan segala kelengkapannya yg saya buat berhasil jadi **2D
2.   Kalau ** **NS saya bisa diterbitkan pertengahan tahun 2008 ini
3.   Kalau eja bangkit dari kuburnya atau menjelma menjadi eja baru yg lebih revolusioner
4.   Kalau saya berhasil sembuh dari ADHD

i'm just a jealous girl..

aargghh.. kenapa des-maret ini banyak banget liburnya? seeing those people easily come and go home really makes me.. urgh,, dunnoh, jealous probably.. kalo saya mau mungkin saya bisa aja mutusin buat pulang juga.. tapi nope, i decide not to.. ini adalah sebuah pilihan, saya harus konsekuen.. i'm not a kid anymore, i can stand up tall on my own feet, not be helped by those hands anymore.. kedengaran sangat 'sok' sih, tapi.. hell yeah, itu bener-bener akan saya lakukan.. karena apa, ketika saya pulang, pastinya saya akan terbuai dan gak pingin melakukan hal-hal semacam ini lagi.. going home could make me feel like.. "aww, i don't deserve doing this sooner... it's time for me to enjoy being a highschooler, a girl, hang out, and all those nonsenses.. i'm pretty young.." nope..

so going home once a year really could help?? dunnoh.. yg jelas, satu dialog menarik dari pelem spider-man adalah "with great power comes great responsibility".. and now i have that one.. responsibility.. and with that responsibility i choose to skip one of my selfish want.. huuhh,, it's gonna kill me...

"i'm going home.. into the place where i belong.. and where your love has always been enough for me.."

i really need to turn this song into reality.. maybe.. or it's when i create my own family?? heeh..  btw paket dari rumah kok belom nyampe-nyampe yaaa...

my hometown Samarinda...

Saya bangga jadi orang samarinda. Walaupun kedua orang tua saya bukan suku asli sana tapi klo orang-orang tanya saya orang apa, saya akan dgn senang hati menjawab: "Saya orang Samarinda," dan bukannya saya orang dari suku apa. Samarinda sendiri emang dihuni oleh etnis yang beragam banget, gak heran klo orang-orang sana sedari esde sampe SMA gak pernah tuh yg namanya berada di kelas yg didominasi oleh suku tertentu sampe setengah dari jumlah siswa. Gak. Bener-bener heterogen. Gak heran juga klo sehari-hari bahasa yg digunakan di sana adalah bahasa indonesia, bukan bahasa daerah, meski bukan berarti bahasa daerah gak digunakan sama sekali. Saya juga make bahasa indonesia, tapi dengan logat yang dipengaruhi sama suku lokal sana, Banjar. Gimana dengan suku asli saya sendiri? Well, bisa dibilang vocab saya lumayan minim. Hee, bener-bener sesuai sama apa yg dibilang oleh guru geografi saya waktu SMA: "Orang dari suku A yang menikah dengan orang dari suku A atau malah B, kalo anaknya dibesarkan di kota C, anaknya gak akan bisa bahasa daerah A atau B."

Saya sempat berpikir klo sebenarnya beliau menyindir keberadaan kami, anak-anak para imigran, yang mendominasi kelas pada saat itu. Tentu aja klo mo membela diri, jelas kami sama sekali gak pernah milih minta dilahirin dimana. Dan juga, ini kembali ke gimana cara ortu masing-masing aja untuk ngenalin budaya asli mereka. Tapi dibilang gitu juga gak salah sih. Itu bener, dan seharusnya kesimpulan yang dibilang sama guruku itu dijadiin motivasi buat belajar lebih banyak tentang root kita masing-masing, gak cuma sibuk berusaha adaptasiin diri di tempat-tempat baru tapi makin lama akar budaya kita sendiri makin terkikis. Yang terpenting adalah kita tetep tau how to behave, terlepas dari dimanapun kita saat ini sedang berada, tanpa melupakan where you come from.


Oke, berpanjang lebar tentang hal ini, pada dasarnya aneh juga klo saya bangga-banggain tentang samarinda. Let's see.. Waktu pertama kali saya ke malang dan kenalan sama banyak orang disana, saya tentu saja memperkenalkan kota asal saya dan.. how sad... Just read their comments below:

"Samarinda itu jawa mana?"
Ini dari temen saya yg orang jakarta.

Trus ini percakapan yg lumayan panjang:
"Samarinda itu kalimantan timur?"

"Yeah.." jawab saya.

"Ooh.. ibukota kaltim itu banjarmasin ya?"

"Yee, samarinda itu ibukota kaltim tauk,"

"Loh, laen balikpapan?"

"Laen lah.."

"Tapi balikpapan juga di kalimantan kan?"

"Yoi.."

"Jadi balikpapan ibukota apa?"

"Balikpapan bukan ibukota!"

"Loh.. tapi kan di kalimantan terkenal.. jadi banjarmasin itu kalimantan apa?"

"Selatan.. balikpapan itu kaltim juga..."

"Ah masa sih? Tapi kok lebih terkenal balikpapan..."

Ow that hurts...

Trus waktu saya sibuk di warnet buat nyusun dan ngemas data-data buat presentasi kebudayaan kaltim di matkul budaya nusantara, seorang teman datang dan berkomentar:
"Ngapain kamu nyari soal dayak? Kamu kan kaltim..."

"Dayak itu kan di kaltim juga..."

"Haa? Bukannya dayak itu di papua?"

Sou desu ka..