blabbering

i believe it's dangerous not to let your mind speak up. but when it's about a feeling that only your heart feels, i wonder what to talk about. or else, what to write about. i believe it's just a change of heart that occurs after i finish Beauty is The Beast manga. you know, it leaves a good impression on me. i heart this Wanibuchi guy. if he exists around me, i dare to say i will definitely fall for him, though i'm not sure if i'll dare enough to get near.

and here comes this guy. the guy i want to talk about. first time i saw him, he left no impression. he's cold, doesn't talk much, lives in his own world, and no one is really close to him. just as Wanibuchi is. just the guy around the corner. and actually he's still only the guy around the corner to me.

by the way i can't tell exactly how it is. it's just that after i read the manga, i suddenly compare Wanibuchi to him, i compare how Wanibuchi treats Eimi to how he treats me. think about it, he has ever bought me shoes, bought me bag, trusted his important things to me, arranged my special occasion, and when i gave him money for something i wanted him to buy, he always said "you know, i never take money from you". is that enough to make us lovers? no. somehow i believe he's not that interested in me, and neither am i. but the way he cares to me is just so unexplainable. the way he accepts my request, the way he accompanies me to some place or to do something, the way he says "kapan-kapan ya" after he refuses my invitation for a reasonable answer, the way he greets me, the way "never take your money" comes out... it just leaves traces or stuffs. he cares to me not in a friend's way, or like he once told me "you're like a younger sister to me" which someone he doesn't have. for me it's more like a father taking care of his daughter. yeah, we're just a few years away, but that's just what i think. we never talk much or share feelings just as anybody does, isn't that what fathers do? it's just not the way i am, or he is, or we are. it just goes out like that.

actually this is just some kind of things that i keep for myself. i'm not saying i'm in love with this guy, or this guy is so weird because that's not what i mean. this writing has no point. you know i'm just writing about the situation between us and how it goes and i'm comfortable with it.. no need to make it up to the next level or else. it's almost like when you're bored, you always love to spend times alone at mall and do nothing but walking around and watching people (i often do this for sure). people can think it's useless, it's pointless, it's weird, or else, but it's comfortable.



PS: the conclusion is what you read can affect your heart or your mind and end up in the way your writing goes.. whatever.