Selasa, 25 September 2012
wedding in delirium state of mind..
it's finally my turn - the moment when you have such a dearly beloved popped up a question some girls are dying to hear. for this i should be grateful because i don't have to wait that long, you always have that kind of girl friend who has been in a relationship for years, has been single for years, has changed partners a zillion times, or simply cannot make up her mind whether he is the right man or not, or whether she can commit to lifelong bond.
well, i am the latter. and even when i said yes to the question my mind's filled with more and more doubts. not to the man i choose to spend my life with - but to myself, the one who has decided to marry and still think about things. who the fuck will i be? a someone's wife? like... reeeaaallyyy??
oh Lord have some mercy on me, i am a young girl, a 20-year old volatile bitchy/stingy/whiny/fussy/messy one - and yes i hope that is a 'pick one out of the options'. i'm a bad cook, i have a lousy fashion style, my kind of entertainment consists of going to karaoke club or a cinema and watching footie while snacking at the weekend, i eat a lot but still worry about weight gain, and i should have written about how happy i am to be engaged but blog about this in a nonchalant manner instead!!! i'm such a 180 to the wife material every man fantasize.
you see it's not about the commitment that i fear the most. it's about preparation, and i'm always afraid i cannot live up to my own expectation.
i watch this movie, Test Pack, in a cinema a few days ago with a friend. not a great movie, but the idea of whole package of marriage suits mine.
why do you get married? because i've found a man who complete me, whom being with him i find happiness and strength, whom i love to the bones and meats i'm so ready to spend my future with. that man, is the reason.
the film itself focuses on how marriage goes on without kids. a husband left his pretty wife because she's infertile, and upon her visit to obgyn who recommends her to find second opinion she sadly states: "your opinion alone is enough. what i need is a man who will accept the fact." back to back we were shown a scene when a man talked to his then-wife in their wedding. something about 'apa adanya kamu sudah melengkapi hidup saya' then off to a scene when she finds out his infertility. shocked and heart-broken, the wife is.
i was almost broke into tears (wait, you read it right, ALMOST)..because that's what i was also worrying. the fertility, the wife material thingy, the life after the marriage, career and family... i have a sensitive heart.... you read it right too. of every man i have ever loved and been in a relationship with i only ask a single question: "don't you love me just the way i am? if you expect to be no longer around you better say." but marriage is to tie the knots - you cannot just leave. i want myself to look back every now and then to the day when we're only two fools - this is why i write.
i worry too much, it explains why my hair falls rapidly.
or maybe i should bring my boyfriend to the movie and pray his heart will be touched and doesn't realize my brainwashing mission. hahahaha. geez, okay, not a fabulous ending to this should-be-heartbreaking blog.
anyway i am happy through and through. this will be a tough journey to begin, but why do you even want to start one? ah, you have your very own answer....
Categories
thoughts,
wedding preps
bergema..bergema...
to those who are in need of daily dose of healthy gossips around the office or being a long time fan of me i am ready to present you the news you've all been wanting to hear......
jeng jeng jeng jeng....
i am engaged!
and bound to get married in a couple of months so unlike you people who have saved the date loooong time before i am here with so little time so much to do.
*mabok
jeng jeng jeng jeng....
i am engaged!
and bound to get married in a couple of months so unlike you people who have saved the date loooong time before i am here with so little time so much to do.
*mabok
Categories
wedding preps
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